Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I've blown a few things in my day
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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