i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
