I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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