3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
