So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
