Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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