Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
