Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
