She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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