seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
