That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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