Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
