do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
