There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
