Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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