I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
