You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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