If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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