he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
