As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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