I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
