4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
