I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
