A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
