I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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