You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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