I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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