My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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