chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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