...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
