we're blogging at a bar
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
