You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
