it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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