Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
