carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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