i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
