You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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