Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
