We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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