you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
