You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
