You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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