Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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