I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
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There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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