The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
