Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
