Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
