someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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