stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
3pm strippers are depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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