you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
