doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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