They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
