Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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