dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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