He asked to "fluff my boner.."
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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