So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
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And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
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I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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