I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Be still, my beating vagina.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
