How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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