What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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