his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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