Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
