i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
