You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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