yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
