super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
there is another microwave in the elevator.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
