I am full of burrito and curiosity
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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