I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
