I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
