considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
