That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
