Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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