I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
