I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
