According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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