I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize