Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
