my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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