If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
