I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
