I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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