bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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