sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
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Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
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I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
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